fortunately for me, i don’t spend all my life around my standard group of sluts. i like to mix it up and diversify my portfolios of hos. when i’m being international, i roll deep in bitches. i know. envy my life. anyways, after exam time, we had a week of parties before finals. no weeks if you were a dumbass and were going to fail classes. i was killing school and it didn’t matter how i did on finals, so my week consisted of three things. alcohol. weed. partying. all i needed was an ak-47 and i’d have the atf after me. or ti.
so i’m just living my life, and woke up at 6 in the pm after a night consisting of copious amounts of cannabis and starburst. and grilled cheese sandwiches. i think. good combination. my personal chauffeur calls me up and reminds me that there is a party tonight at this place called the mansion. not that crap in miami. just a big ass house where people throw parties. of course i’m down and i do my grooming. upstairs and downstairs. right on queue, the chauffeur comes by and we pick up some bitches to roll with. bk, smoking girl, and british. 1 man, 1 driver, 3 girls. ideal ratio.
we arrive at the mansion and check out the scene. pretty nice. lots of alcohol. lots of girls. lots of music. lots of space. i approve. i go around and make my standard greetings and photo ops. i settle down and take a seat on the lower patio. these mofos have a deck and a lower patio. baller status. smoking girl comes over and sits in my lap and we start chit chatting. bk comes over and is super waste case. british and chauffeur come around too and we are having a nice discussion about how slutty girls from school are when not studying. the verdict? pretty slutty. and then, smoking girl kissed me. bk almost ejaculated in happiness as she was bffs with smoking girl. i was a little taken back, but whatev. then, smoking girl kissed me again. this time, bk did explode. moisture. bitch wipes herself off, and is like “do it again! do it again! i want to take a picture!” i tell the bitch to chill, because the last thing i want is to have pictures of me kissing hos all over the internet. bk then says to me, “be a real man and kiss her. i won’t take any pictures. promise”. damn. ho challenged my manhood. i’ll show her. i take smoking girl by the hand and we go off to the side of the house for some privacy. cuz i like to keep it classy. like ron burgundy.
you know what’s not classy? hooking up on top of an air conditioner unit on the side of a house in public. oh well. sorry ron burgundy. i let you down. also, turns out smoking girl is a bit of a freak. asses were smacked. ears were cleaned out. necks got vampired. lips were bloodied. and then, with a bosom in my mouth, the questions started. “you know i have a nosering, right? you know i’m not drunk, right? you know i really like you, right? you know you can have this whenever you want, right? am i a good kisser? do you like when i do this? are we married now? have you ever done this with the short one?” pause. expository narrative coming up.
apparently, i’m a man whore. smoking girl had been sweating me for a long time. like, since the jurassic era. roar. but, i was chilling with this other ho, the short one. the short one was not cute, but alas, i liked her for a hot second. nothing came out of it, so i got over it. but, smoking girl hated the short one. she had told me repeatedly that she hadn’t raped me before because she thought i liked the short one. and bingo was his name-o. apparently, she thought i really really liked the short one and had hooked up with her. bitch please, i have standards. now that that’s cleared up, back to the air conditioner.
turned off by having to play 20 questions, i finished up. we went back to the lower patio and joined the rest of our lovely gang. bk had managed to saturate the entire party with her squirts of glee. smoking girl went off for a cigarette break, and that’s when bk went all brooklyn on me. “you old panchod, smoking girl loves you. she’s wanted this for a while. i’m so happy you guys are together. i want you two to change your facebook statuses, update your twitters, and make it known to the world you two are together and married now. and if you even break her heart, i swear, i’ll fucking murder you”. holy. shite. in. my. pants. i told that bitch to chill out, ain’t nothing changing. i waved over my chauffeur, and we all peaced out of the mansion and called it a night. smoking girl, bk, and brtish all get dropped off at their places. i end up back in my room, fire up the porn, and utter to myself as i loosen up my right hand, “well, that was a bad decision”.
Well, That Was A Bad Decision... 